Straight talk with a child going to a secularist university

A friend asked me for guidance on what he can tell his child who is going to a Western secularist university which can undermine the faith of his child. Putting myself in the shoes of the dad, these are the talking points I would bring up to the son or daughter. It will also be good for any teacher or mentor of a graduating High School student to bring up these points in their own way to their students. 

You will be going to a university that will give you a great advantage in the world. This is a very good thing, but I would like to make sure that you have some clear ideas. 

Despite the excellent secular things you will get, you will be facing dangers for what is most important in your life, in our life. Many of your professors will not believe in God and will undermine your faith and morals, and many of your classmates will be like them. You will therefore face pressures from many sides: from above, from your peers and from the whole environment. This is very strong pressure, and I know many good boys and girls from our country who have succumbed to it. And these were top students, who loved the catechesis they received, and had an above-average spiritual life.  

And so it should be very clear to you that the most important thing in life is God and our faith in him.   As Jesus himself said: "What does it profit a man if he gains the whole world, but suffers the loss of his soul." 

This is the purest truth. I hope your school and I have made clear that this is also the most intelligent, rationally-based choice. (See this article for the basis)

God is our everything; he is the source and the end goal of our life. Only through him can we enjoy the greatest possible happiness every day and throughout eternity. Not being with him is therefore the greatest failure. This failure, more than anything else, will be my greatest pain. If you have any doubts in this aspect, given original sin and the pressures of the environment, you can easily succumb. Since I have a grave responsibility before God to give you a solid education, I would like to know what you think about what I just said.

It is important for the parent to listen to what the son or daughter has to say regarding these things and have a frank conversation to clarify things. 

The next steps will have to be based on the result of the conversation. It is best if the next steps are considered and determined by the student himself, with guidance from the parent. 

Generally, everyone will need continual inputs in both heart and mind to persevere in Christian faith and morals.

• Input of grace and prayer. You will need to go regularly to Mass and Confession, and practice daily humble prayer. A close friendship with Jesus--a relationship of burning love--will be your best support, for this is the very goal of our life. Everything depends, teaches Pope Benedict XVI, on our intimate friendship with Jesus. 
• Input of Catholic Christian teachings. Because there will be a continual input of secularist and amoral ideas, you will need a continual input of Christian ideas, to inspire you and motivate you. For example, read the New Testament everyday, so you can get to know the life of Christ. Read a good Christian book every day. Here are lists of good Christian readings. 
• Input of good Catholic community. A strong support is the company and encouragement of good Catholic friends. 
• Input of the Christian mission. The best defense is a good offense. The first habit of highly effective people, says Stephen Covey is: Be proactive, not reactive. Affect your environment; don't let the environment affect you. We are Christians, so like him, we spread Christianity to the people around us. Go with a sense of mission--of having been placed there by God for a great purpose. 

Because I am the one shouldering your education, I am interested that we continue to talk about all of these every so often during your stay in college. 

--- o ---

These inputs, in fact, should be stressed, in one way or another, all throughout the schooling of the child, not just at the very end, before he or she leaves for college. 

Note: The Newman Guide to Colleges points out that there are universities which are Catholic in name but are secularist in nature, and they can undermine faith and morals more than some non-Catholic colleges. 

Basic Christian Readings

For spiritual reading, there are several lists in the internet such as those of: 

• Catholic Information Center
• Fr. Fernando Jadraque and Fr. Javier Lopez
• Fr. Thomas Morrow at Catholic Faith Alive
• Regnum Christi
• Fr. Gary Coulter
• Fr. John Hardon, S.J.

The book, Jesus-Centered Life: Guide to the Happiest Life has this list: 

• Compendium of the Catechism of the Catholic Church (online)

• Youcat (Youth Catechism of the Catholic Church) 

• Faith Explained by Leo Trese

• Theology for Beginners by Frank Sheed

• My Way of Life by St. Thomas Aquinas

• Walking with God by Kilian Healy (online)

• Rome Sweet Home by Scott and Kimberly Hahn

• Our Lady of Fatima by William Thomas Walsh

• The Curé d’Ars by Francis Trochu

• Time for God, Way of Trust ad Love, Interior Freedom, Searching and Maintaining Peace, Called to Life, etc. by Jacques Philippe

• Understanding “Our Father;” The Lamb’s Supper; Lord, Have Mercy; etc. by Scott Hahn

• Catechesis on Prayer, the Apostles, the Fathers, etc. by Pope Benedict XVI (online)

• Prayer: the Great Means of Salvation and Perfection, School of Christian Perfection, The Passion and Death of Jesus Christ, etc. by St. Alphonsus Liguori (online)

• Spiritual Exercises by St. Ignatius of Loyola

• The Practice of Humility by J. Pecci/Pope Leo XIII (online)

• Introduction to the Devout Life, Treatise on the Love of God, etc. by St. Francis de Sales (online)

• Little Catechism, Sermons, etc. by St. John Mary Vianney (online)

• The Way, The Furrow, The Forge, Christ is Passing By and Friends of God by St. Josemaría Escrivá (online)

• To Know Christ Jesus, Theology and Sanity, etc. by Frank Sheed

• Life of Christ, Three to Get Married, etc. by Fulton Sheen

• Public Life of our Lord Jesus Christ and the Passion and Death of our

Lord Jesus Christ by Archbishop Alban Goodier, S.J.

• The Hidden Power of Kindness by Lawrence Lovasik

• In Conversation with God, Lukewarmness, etc. by Francisco

Fernandez-Carvajal

• Saints in the World, God and Children, etc. by Jesus Urteaga

• In Silence with God, Frequent Confession by Benedict Baur

• Back to Virtue, Before I Go, etc. by Peter Kreeft

• Heart of Virtue by Donald DeMarco

• Faith Applied by Jean Daujat

• Letters to a Young Catholic, The Truth of Catholicism, etc. by George Weigel

• Conversation with Christ by Peter Thomas Rohrbach

• Meditations and Devotions, Sermons, etc. by St. John Henry Newman (online)

• The Story of a Soul: The Autobiography of St Thérèse of Lisieux (online)

He Knows Not How: Growing in Freedom, and other articles and videos by Fr. Julio Dieguez

Below are translated notes on the key points of Formar Personas Libres, a Spanish booklet written by Fr. Julio Dieguez, the newly appointed Regional Vicar of Opus Dei in the Philippines. The later title is Sin que él sepa cómo: Crecer en libertad, found in Amazon here. He speaks about it in Spanish in Youtube here. The English version is He Knows Not How: Growing in Freedom which is in Amazon here. He spoke about it in PAREF's Jesus-Centered Conference here.

At the bottom of this article, you can find other articles of Fr. Julio. 

1.     Well-formed person: 

• when he does what he wants, he does what is good because his will is identified with Jesus Christ.

• autonomously affirms the good, because he recognizes it as good

• To be truly free, your choices have to come from correct judgment of reality

2. The problem of "weak-willed" persons

• Wants to improve and looks for help, but can't

• Root: What he values (sees as worth the effort); because he can give a lot of effort for other things he values

• Underneath weak will - a erroneous judgement about the true value of goods which gives a full life

• His thinking towards action (practical reason) is influenced by his passions more than his reason

3. The cause of freedom is reason -- St. Thomas.

 

• The will always follows a judgement of reason. We always choose what we think is good for us 

• To strengthen reason, you need virtues, good choices. Thus the tremendous importance of good relationships, family, friends who show how virtues are lived. Joy of these people have an important role in being good examples: a sign of well-established virtue. Thus the importance that activities are attractive, not only because they are fun but because they are authentic and sincere. 

 

4. The problem of voluntarism: a lack of reasoning.

 

• The voluntarist only depends on willpower. He does not use his intelligence to see the attractiveness of what is good. 

• To overcome voluntarism:

• Give reasons

• Reflect on these reasons

• Base your actions on these reasons

• Don't replace reasons with a rule

• A strong will requires a reason that is based on firm principles: the virtues.

• To stimulate the use of reason in governing our actions means to grasp the goal of our actions.

5. Virtues: the strength of freedom

• What is formative are the virtues, which are acquired by repeating good choices. This means that what is formative are one's own decisions or choices -- not the decision of others. One forms oneself.

• The role of the formator is to help each one to form himself well in the struggle to acquire virtues, by corresponding to the grace of God.

• Since virtue is a perfection of freedom, formation is a formation in freedom and for freedom.  There is no other true formation.

• Virtuous person loves the good passionately

 

6. To form virtue means to form prudence

 

• The objective is not to accumulate rules or criteria but forming prudence: the capacity to reason out on one’s own and reach the right conclusion.

• In the beginning rules and criteria help, but as one develops one needs fewer rules

 

7. The four keys to formation

 

1. Initiative. St. Josemaria – help the soul to want –he voluntarily chooses—to do the will of God. Don’t command, advise.

• Not to help passively, but to pray, think so as to propose, open horizons, help to discover, suggest

• The goal of formation is not when he chooses to do good; but only when he does it because he wants to—chooses it freely. He wants to do good because it is good.

• To concretize fight, there has to be a dialogue:

o   Propose and ask

o   Listen and assess

o   Ask: what is his idea; what struggle is good; what he thinks God expects from him; what he would like to do,

o   Then propose: “I think this might be good, what do you think?”; “Think about it, bring it to your prayer and then let’s talk about it.

2. Convictions.

• Formation is more a matter of convictions than of decisions: not tell them what we have decided but to transmit convictions.

• Formation is more than exhorting but a matter of helping to understand.

o   More difficult but more beautiful

o   Demands thinking deeply; not using prefabricated formulas

• Transmit key ideas (ideas madres) from which he draws the conclusions

• Indispensable: Help people to think

o   Encourage questions on the whys

o   Teach how to pose the question and find the solutions

• Avoid the impression that it is not necessary to understand and that you only have to trust

• Take advantage of mistakes. If we prevent people from making mistakes, then we also prevent them from doing right; we don’t form their prudence

• Be positive. Show the beauty of the good; learn to give deep reasons which are the most attractive

3. Perspective. St. Josemaria: take time into account

• Fight is centered on virtues and not on acts: acquiring a second nature

• Devote time to explains the why

• Make them see the sense of the fight in terms of the goal

4. Affection. First in importance and has to be in all the steps. You can only form if you love.

 

Summary:

• Only one’s own decisions are formative

• Not only that they know, but they think; important now, because people don’t accept authority

• Truth cannot be imposed; The force has to be in the arguments; For this, reading good literature

• Examples form more than concepts; Show good films

• We will only influence people who trust us; one has to earn this: they see that we know what we are talking about; not just someone in a position

• Respect freedom

• Know how to listen, value their point of view; speak respectfully

• Affection is the first source of authority and credibility

• Help them feel a great freedom

• Help to remove obstacles that impede acting with interior freedom—that they feel at ease and unrestrained (con soltura)

ARTICLES WRITTEN BY FR JULIO DIEGUEZ

Click on the article title to read it. 

The face of Jesus

With our whole heart - on the virtue of chastity

Reaching the entire person: role of the emotions