Friday, April 27, 2018

GAUDETE ET EXSULTATE: SUMMARY AND KEY POINTS

A summary using excerpts from the Pope's own words of his latest document on the call to holiness in today's world published 9 April 2018. The full text is found here


REJOICE AND BE GLAD” (Mt 5:12), Jesus tells those humiliated for his sake.The Lord asks everything of us, and in return he offers us true life, the happiness for which we were created. He wants us to be saints and not to settle for a bland and mediocre existence. The Lord has chosen each of us "to be holy and blameless in love." (Eph 1:4)  

CHAPTER ONE: THE CALL TO HOLINESS

Saints who Encourage and Accompany us. The Bible invites us to realize that “a great cloud of witnesses” (Heb 12:1) impels us to advance constantly towards the goal. These witnesses may include our own mothers, grandmothers or other loved ones. 

The Saints “Next Door”. Let us be spurred on by the signs of holiness the Lord shows us through the humblest of people: those parents who raise their children with immense love, men and women who work hard to support their families.
On the last day of the world, we will find out about those souls to whom we owe the decisive turning points in our personal lives.

The Lord Calls. Lord addresses to each of us, the call that he also addresses, personally, to you: “Be holy, for I am holy”.
The important thing is that each believer discern his or her own path, that they bring out the very best of themselves, the most personal gifts that God has placed in their hearts…to give our all and to embrace that unique plan that God willed for each of us from eternity.

For You Too. We are all called to be holy by living our lives with love and by bearing witness in everything we do, wherever we find ourselves.
Are you married? Be holy by loving and caring for your husband or wife, as Christ does for the Church. Do you work for a living? Be holy by laboring with integrity and skill in the service of your brothers and sisters. Are you a parent or grandparent? Be holy by patiently teaching the little ones how to follow Jesus. Are you in a position of authority? Be holy by working for the common good and renouncing personal gain.
Let everything be open to God; turn to him in every situation
When you feel the temptation to dwell on your own weakness, raise your eyes to Christ crucified and say: “Lord, I am a poor sinner, but you can work the miracle of making me a little bit better”.
In the Church, holy yet made up of sinners, you will find everything you need to grow towards holiness. The Lord has bestowed on the Church the gifts of scripture, the sacraments, holy places, living communities, the witness of the saints.
This holiness to which the Lord calls you will grow through small gestures. Here is an example: a woman goes shopping, she meets a neighbor and they begin to speak, and the gossip starts. But she says in her heart: “No, I will not speak badly of anyone”. This is a step forward in holiness. Later, at home, one of her children wants to talk to her about his hopes and dreams, and even though she is tired, she sits down and listens with patience and love. That is another sacrifice that brings holiness. Later she experiences some anxiety, but recalling the love of the Virgin Mary, she takes her rosary and prays with faith. Yet another path of holiness. Later still, she goes out onto the street, encounters a poor person and stops to say a kind word to him.
The Lord calls us anew to a conversion…Choose to live the present moment, filling it to the brim with love.

Your Mission in Christ. At its core, holiness is experiencing, in union with Christ, the mysteries of his life, uniting ourselves to the Lord’s death and resurrection, reproducing in our own lives various aspects of Jesus’ earthly life: his hidden life, his life in community, his closeness to the outcast, his poverty and other ways in which he showed his self-sacrificing love.
The contemplation of these mysteries, as St. Ignatius of Loyola pointed out, leads us to incarnate them in our choices and attitudes. Holiness is nothing other than charity lived to the full…we model our whole life on his.

Activity That Sanctifies. Your personal mission is inseparable from the building of that kingdom: “Strive first for the kingdom of God and his righteousness”. It involves a commitment to build with him that kingdom of love, justice and universal peace.
It is not healthy to love silence while fleeing interaction with others… We are called to be contemplatives even in the midst of action, and to grow in holiness by responsibly and generously carrying out our proper mission.
Life does not have a mission, but is a mission. Realize the need to stop this rat race…to recover the personal space needed to carry on a heartfelt dialogue with God…Finding that space may prove painful but it is always fruitful. We tend to absolutize our free time….every moment can be an expression of self-sacrificing love in the Lord’s eyes.

More Alive, More Human. Do not be afraid of holiness. It will take away none of your energy, vitality or joy. By holiness, you are faithful to your deepest self. We understand the profound truth that God, and not man, is the true Master. To the extent that each Christian grows in holiness, he or she will bear greater fruit for our world. Do not be afraid to set your sights higher, to allow yourself to be loved and liberated by God.
Holiness does not make you less human, since it is an encounter between your weakness and the power of God’s grace: “the only great tragedy in life, is not to become a saint

CHAPTER TWO: TWO SUBTLE ENEMIES OF HOLINESS
In neither case is one really concerned about Jesus Christ or others.

Contemporary Gnosticism. The only interest is a certain experience or a set of ideas and bits of information. With this, one is imprisoned in his or her own thoughts and feelings.
But it is clear that a people’s perfection is measured by the depth of their charity. But by Gnosticism we become incapable of touching Christ’s suffering flesh in others. Even when someone’s life appears completely wrecked, even when we see it devastated by vices or addictions, God is present there. We can and must try to find the Lord in every human life.
It is wrong to think that because we know something, or are able to explain it in certain terms, we are already saints. What we think we know should always motivate us to respond more fully to God’s love. St. Francis said: I am pleased that you teach sacred theology…provided that you do not extinguish the spirit of prayer and devotion during study.
True Christian wisdom can never be separated from mercy towards our neighbor: The greatest possible wisdom is to share fruitfully what we have to give…There are activities that, united to contemplation, do not prevent the latter, but rather facilitate it, such as works of mercy.

Contemporary Pelagianism. The power that the gnostics attributed to the intellect, others now began to attribute to the human will, to personal effort. The human will took the place of mystery and grace. It forgets that everything “depends not on human will or exertion, but on God who shows mercy” (Rom 9:16) and that “he first loved us”.
A will lacking humility. Pelagians ultimately trust only in their own powers and feel superior to others because they observe certain rules or remain intransigently faithful to a particular Catholic style. Do what you can and to ask for what you cannot. The lack of a heartfelt and prayerful acknowledgment of our limitations prevents grace from working: acknowledge our concrete and limited situation.
In order to be blameless, as God would have us, we need to live humbly in his presence…walk in union with him, recognizing his constant love in our lives. We need to lose our fear before that presence which can only be for our good.
An often overlooked Church teaching. We are justified not by our own works or efforts, but by the grace of the Lord, who always takes the initiative. God pours into us the very source of all his gifts. The faithful glory in God alone, for they realize that they lack true justice and are justified only through faith in Christ.
All cooperation with grace is a prior gift of that same grace. The desire to be cleansed comes about in us through the outpouring and working of the Holy Spirit
Live in joyful gratitude for this completely unmerited gift…The saints avoided putting trust in their own works…this truth should affect the way we live, for it flows from the heart of the Gospel and demands that we not only accept it intellectually but also make it a source of contagious joy
We realize that our earthly life and our natural abilities are his gift.  We must first belong to God, offering ourselves to him who was there first
Entrust to him our abilities, our efforts, our struggle against evil and our creativity, so that his free gift may grow and develop within us:
Charity alone makes growth in the life of grace possible, for “if I do not have love, I am nothing”
New pelagians. Don’t be excessively concerned about somethings. Let yourselves be led by the Spirit in the way of love. Being passionate about communicating the beauty and the joy of the Gospel and seeking out the lost among the immense crowds that thirst for Christ.
The summation of the Law. Keep reminding ourselves that there is a hierarchy of virtues that bids us seek what is essential. The primacy belongs to the theological virtues, which have God as their object and motive. At the centre is charity. The one who loves another has fulfilled the law… for love is the fulfilment of the law.  “For the whole law is summed up in a single commandment, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself’”
Amid the thicket of precepts and prescriptions, Jesus clears a way to seeing two faces: the Father and our brother. Better yet, one face alone: the face of God reflected in so many other faces. For in every one of our brothers and sisters, especially the least, the most vulnerable, the defenceless and those in need, God’s very image is found.

CHAPTER THREE: IN THE LIGHT OF THE MASTER
The Beatitudes are like a Christian’s identity card: a portrait of the Master, which we are called to reflect in our daily lives.

Going Against the Flow. The Beatitudes run counter to the way things are usually done in our world. We can only practise them if the Holy Spirit fills us with his power and frees us from our weakness. Let us allow his words to unsettle us, to challenge us and to demand a real change in the way we live.
1. Poor in spirit. See where we find our security in life. Remember the parable of the rich fool: so self-satisfied that we leave no room for God’s word. We miss out on the greatest treasure of all.  To those who have a poor heart, there the Lord can enter with his perennial newness.
We have to be indifferent in our attitude to all created things. Live a plain and austere life.
2. Meek. This world from the beginning has been a place of conflict: reign of pride and vanity, where each person thinks he or she has the right to dominate others.
Jesus is humble, and mounted on a donkey. Christ says: “Learn from me; for I am gentle and humble of heart. Regard the faults and limitations of others with tenderness and meekness, without an air of superiority.
Perfect charity consists in putting up with others’ mistakes, and not being scandalized by their faults. Try to correct them, but “with a spirit of meekness”, since “you too could be tempted”.
Trust in God alone.
3. Those who mourn.  The worldly person ignores problems of sickness or sorrow in the family or all around him; he averts his gaze. He disregards painful situations, cover them up or hide them.
A person who sees things as they truly are and sympathizes with pain and sorrow is capable of touching life’s depths and finding authentic happiness. We should be consoled, not by the world but by Jesus, unafraid to share in the suffering of others.
Meaning of life is in coming to the aid of those who suffer, understanding their anguish and bringing relief. Not afraid to draw near, even to touch their wounds.
4. Hunger and thirst for righteousness.  Hunger and thirst are intense experiences, since they involve basic needs and our instinct for survival.  Those who desire justice will be satisfied: Justice will come. We can cooperate to make that possible.
Be just in decisions; it is expressed in pursuit of justice for the poor and the weak. Also faithfulness to God’s will in every aspect of our life, shown especially in justice towards those who are most vulnerable: “Seek justice, correct oppression; defend the fatherless, plead for the widow.”
5. Merciful. Two aspects: giving, helping and serving others and forgiveness and understanding. In everything, do to others as you would have them do to you.  When confronted by situations that make moral judgments less assured and decision difficult: Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven; give, and it will be given to you. The yardstick we use for understanding and forgiving others will measure the forgiveness we receive.
6. Pure in heart. Hearts that are simple, pure and undefiled, admits nothing that might harm, weaken or endanger love. Keep a heart free of all that tarnishes love.
Our heart is in our real intentions, the things we truly seek and desire, apart from all appearances. Flee from deceit, God sees in secret.
Commitment to our brothers and sisters that comes from the heart: if I give away all I have, and if I deliver my body to be burned, but have no love, I gain nothing. To the extent that truth and love prevail, we will then be able to see “face to face”.
7. Peacemakers. We ourselves are often a cause of conflict or at least of misunderstanding. The world of gossip, inhabited by negative and destructive people, does not bring peace. Such people are really the enemies of peace.
Build peace and friendship in society. Work for peace. Embrace even those who are a bit odd, troublesome or difficult, demanding, different, beaten down by life or simply uninterested.
We must face conflict head on, resolve it and make it a link in the chain of a new process.
8. Persecuted for righteousness’ sake. The Christian path goes against the flow. We challenge society by the way we live: thirst for power and worldly interests often stands in our way. Also forms of social organization, production and consumption make it more difficult to offer this gift of self. The cross remains the source of our growth and sanctification.
This does not refer to the kind of persecution we might bring upon ourselves by our mistreatment of others. The saints are not odd and aloof, unbearable: they enjoyed favor “with all the people.
Accept daily the path of the Gospel, even though it may cause us problems.

The Great Criterion. Jesus expands on the Beatitude that calls the merciful blessed.. This is the clear criterion on which we will be judged: “I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you took care of me, I was in prison and you visited me”. St. John Paul II: “If we truly start out anew from the contemplation of Christ, we must learn to see him especially in the faces of those with whom he himself wished to be identified”. Holiness cannot be understood or lived apart from these demands, for mercy is “the beating heart of the Gospel.” This involves a constant and healthy unease: the goal has to be the restoration of just social and economic systems.
Ideologies striking at the heart of the Gospel. Two harmful errors:
1) Separate these Gospel demands from their personal relationship with the Lord, from their interior union with him, from openness to his grace. Luminous mysticism of the saints: mental prayer, the love of God and the reading of the Gospel
2) Suspect the social engagement of others, ignore injustice in a world
Wrong to see migrants a secondary issue compared to the “grave” bioethical questions: the only proper attitude is to stand in the shoes of those brothers and sisters of ours who risk their lives to offer a future to their children. All guests who knocked at the monastery door be welcomed “like Christ.” The poor and pilgrims were to be met with “the greatest care and solicitude
The worship most acceptable to God. The primacy belongs to our relationship with God. Ultimate criterion on which our lives will be judged is what we have done for others. Prayer is most precious, for it nourishes a daily commitment to love. Best way to discern if our prayer is authentic is to judge to what extent our life is being transformed in the light of mercy.
Mercy: a criterion for ascertaining who his true children are. St. Thomas: mercy, whereby we supply others’ defects, is a sacrifice more acceptable to him, as conducing more directly to our neighbor’s well-being. We are called to be single-minded and tenacious in their practice of the works of mercy. God depends on us to love the world and to show how much he loves it.
Hedonism and consumerism can prove our downfall, for when we are obsessed with our own pleasure. Cultivate a certain simplicity of life, resisting the feverish demands of a consumer society. Christianity is meant above all to be put into practice
I recommend rereading these great biblical texts frequently, referring back to them, praying with them, trying to embody them

CHAPTER FOUR: SIGNS OF HOLINESS IN TODAY’S WORLD
These are five great expressions of love for God and neighbor

Perseverance, Patience and Meekness. Find solid grounding in God who loves and sustains us: “If God is for us, who is against us? Overcome evil with good: not to seek revenge; recognize and combat our aggressive and selfish inclinations, and not let them take root.
Always cling to the anchor of prayer, which puts us back in God’s hands and the source of our peace.
Do not ignore the eighth commandment, which forbids bearing false witness or lying, and ruthlessly vilify others. Do not waste energy complaining about the failings of others
Saints consider others better than themselves: Always prefer to be taught by all, rather than to desire teaching even the least of all. Desire that they be given precedence over you in all things. Prefer to praise the others.
Humility can only take root in the heart through humiliations. Ask for the grace of humility in prayer: “Lord, when humiliations come, help me to know that I am following in your footsteps”.
Trust in God’s mercy: “Mankind will not have peace until it turns with trust to my mercy

Joy and a Sense of Humour. The saints are joyful and full of good humour: the necessary result of the love of charity is joy; since every lover rejoices at being united to the beloved.
Time of Jesus is a revelation of joy. “Shout and sing for joy!” Rejoice greatly, O daughter of Zion! Shout aloud, O daughter of Jerusalem! Behold, your king comes to you; triumphant and victorious is he.”
When hard times come: we are infinitely loved.
“Remove vexation [annoyance and worry] from your mind.”
Consumerism only bloats the heart. It can offer occasional and passing pleasures, but not joy.
There is more happiness in giving than in receiving.  
Fraternal love makes us capable of rejoicing in the good of others: “Rejoice with those who rejoice”
If we focus primarily on our own needs, we condemn ourselves to a joyless existence

Boldness and Passion. Holiness is also parrhesía: it is boldness, an impulse to evangelize and to leave a mark in this world. Jesus: “Do not be afraid” “I am with you always, to the end of the world” He bids us spend our lives in his service. Look at Jesus. His deep compassion reached out to others. It did not make him hesitant, timid or self-conscious.
We are constantly tempted to flee to a safe haven. It can have many names: individualism, spiritualism, living in a little world, addiction, intransigence, the rejection of new ideas and approaches, dogmatism, nostalgia, pessimism, hiding behind rules and regulations.
Church needs passionate missionaries, enthusiastic about sharing true life: let us ask for the apostolic courage to share the Gospel to others.

In Community. Growth in holiness is a journey in community, side by side with others. You are living with others in order to be fashioned and tried.
The common life, whether in the family, the parish, the religious community or any other, is made up of small everyday things. Jesus asked his disciples to pay attention to details, little details of love: missing sheep, offering two small coins, spare oil for lamps. St. Therese: Instead of the beautiful strains of music I heard only [poor invalid's] occasional complaints: rays of truth which so surpassed the dark brilliance of earthly feasts that I could not believe my happiness.
Our path to holiness can only make us identify all the more with Jesus’ prayer “that all may be one; even as you, Father, are in me, and I in you”.

In Constant Prayer. Holiness consists in a habitual openness to the transcendent, expressed in prayer and adoration. The saints are distinguished by a spirit of prayer and a need for communion with God: they long for God, losing themselves in praise and contemplation of the Lord.
Endeavour to remain always in the presence of God. Try to be continuous in prayer do anything, always go to God and attach your heart to him. For this to happen, some moments spent alone with God are also necessary. For all of us, for “we all have need of this silence, filled with the presence of him who is adored”.
In that silence, we can discern, in the light of the Spirit, the paths of holiness to which the Lord is calling us. It is essential to spend time with the Master, to listen to his words, and to learn from him always. Unless we listen, all our words will be nothing but useless chatter.
Contemplation of the face of Jesus, died and risen, restores our humanity, even when it has been broken by the troubles of this life or marred by sin. We must not domesticate [tame] the power of the face of Christ. Gazing on the face of Christ, you feel unable to let yourself be healed and transformed, then enter into the Lord’s heart, into his wounds, for that is the abode of divine mercy.
Prayer of intercession has particular value, for it is an act of trust in God and, at the same time, an expression of love for our neighbor: our prayer will be all the more pleasing to God and more effective for our growth in holiness if, through intercession, we attempt to practise the twofold commandment that Jesus left us.
Worship him, at times in quiet wonder, and praise him in festive song: “As soon as I believed that there was a God, I understood that I could do nothing other than to live for him.
Love pauses, contemplates the mystery [God’s affection and closeness], and enjoys it in silence
Prayerful reading of God’s word, goes to the very heart and identity of Christian life.
In the Eucharist, the one true God receives the greatest worship the world can give him, for it is Christ himself who is offered

CHAPTER FIVE: SPIRITUAL COMBAT, VIGILANCE AND DISCERNMENT
The Christian life is a constant battle. We need strength and courage to withstand the temptations of the devil and to proclaim the Gospel. This battle is sweet, for it allows us to rejoice each time the Lord triumphs in our lives.

Combat and Vigilance. We battle against the world and a worldly mentality, struggle against our human weaknesses and proclivities (be they laziness, lust, envy, jealousy or any others)
A constant struggle against the devil: He is present in the very first pages of the Scriptures, which end with God’s victory over the devil. A more exact translation of “evil” in the Our Father would be “the evil one”. He poisons us with the venom of hatred, desolation, envy and vice. When we let down our guard, he takes advantage of it to destroy our lives, our families and our communities. “Like a roaring lion, he prowls around, looking for someone to devour.
Alert and trustful. We can count on the powerful weapons that the Lord has given us: faith-filled prayer, meditation on the word of God, the celebration of Mass, Eucharistic adoration, sacramental Reconciliation, works of charity, community life, missionary outreach.
Along this journey, the cultivation of all that is good, progress in the spiritual life and growth in love are the best counterbalance to evil. Those who choose to remain neutral, who are satisfied with little, who renounce the ideal of giving themselves generously to the Lord, will never hold out.
Spiritual corruption. The path of holiness demands that we keep “our lamps lit” (Lk 12:35) and be attentive. “Abstain from every form of evil” (1 Thess 5:22). “Keep awake” (Mt 24:42; Mk 13:35). “Let us not fall asleep” (1 Thess 5:6). Those who think they commit no grievous sins against God’s law can fall into a state of dull lethargy. Since they see nothing serious to reproach themselves with, they fail to realize that their spiritual life has gradually turned lukewarm. They end up weakened and corrupted.
Spiritual corruption is worse than the fall of a sinner, for it is a comfortable and self-satisfied form of blindness. Everything then appears acceptable: deception, slander, egotism and other subtle forms of self-centredness,

Discernment
An urgent need. Contemporary life offers immense possibilities for action and distraction, and the world presents all of them as valid and good.
Always in the light of the Lord. Discernment is a means of spiritual combat for helping us to follow the Lord more faithfully. We need it at all times, to help us recognize God’s timetable, lest we fail to heed the promptings of his grace and disregard his invitation to grow
Greatness of spirit is manifested in simple everyday realities. It involves striving untrammelled [unrestricted] for all that is great, better and more beautiful, while at the same time being concerned for the little things, for each day’s responsibilities and commitments. For this reason, I ask all Christians not to omit, in dialogue with the Lord, a sincere daily “examination of conscience”.
A supernatural gift. We should always remember that discernment is a grace: a glimpse of that unique and mysterious plan that God has for each of us. It has to do with the meaning of my life before the Father who knows and loves me, with the real purpose of my life, which nobody knows better than he. The Father readily reveals himself to the lowly (cf. Mt 11:25).
We cannot do without the silence of prolonged prayer, which enables us better to perceive God’s language, to interpret the real meaning of the inspirations we believe we have received, to calm our anxieties and to see the whole of our existence afresh in his own light.
Speak, Lord. Readiness to listen: to the Lord and to others, and to reality itself, which always challenges us in new ways.  Set aside our own partial or insufficient ideas, our usual habits and ways of seeing things. Attitude of listening entails obedience to the Gospel as the ultimate standard, but also to the Magisterium that guards it. It is not a matter of applying rules or repeating what was done in the past.
The logic of gift and of the cross. An essential condition for progress in discernment is a growing understanding of God’s patience and his timetable, which are never our own. Recognize how we can better accomplish the mission entrusted to us at our baptism. This entails a readiness to make sacrifices, even to sacrificing everything. For happiness is a paradox. “This is our logic”, says Saint Bonaventure, pointing to the cross.
When, in God’s presence, we examine our life’s journey, no areas can be off limits. In all aspects of life we can continue to grow and offer something greater to God, even in those areas we find most difficult. We need, though, to ask the Holy Spirit to liberate us and to expel the fear that makes us ban him from certain parts of our lives. God asks everything of us, yet he also gives everything to us.
Discernment is the process of leaving ourselves behind in order to approach the mystery of God. 
Our converse with Mary consoles, frees and sanctifies us. All we need do is whisper, time and time again: “Hail Mary…”
May the Church devote herself anew to promoting the desire for holiness.

Francis



Thursday, April 12, 2018

Recommended Reading Lists for Children and Adults

Image result for different ages reading books

Everyone wants to be a better person, to do the right things. And parents want their children to be better persons, that they choose correctly. 

Given that we only choose what we know, a key way to personal growth is reading the right books. 

Here are some reading lists that can be used by parents who are looking for leisure reading for their children and also by adults who want to be better persons. 

Just click on the links!

For children:

For Junior High to adults:
For adults (young and old): 
If you have other sources of excellent reading lists, kindly email me at raulnidoy@gmail.com or leave a comment here. 

Sunday, April 8, 2018

First Years of Marriage: Advice by Pope Francis


 make me laugh
Advice by Pope Francis to recently married couples in Amoris Laetitia

Marriage only for those who freely choose to love. It is important that marriage be seen as a matter of love, that only those who freely choose and love one another may marry. When love is merely physical attraction or a vague affection, spouses become particularly vulnerable once this affection wanes or physical attraction diminishes. 

Given the frequency with which this happens, it is all the more essential that couples be helped during the first years of their married life to enrich and deepen their conscious and free decision to have, hold and love one another for life.

Often the engagement period is not long enough, the decision is precipitated for various reasons and, what is even more problematic, the couple themselves are insufficiently mature. As a result, the newly married couple need to complete a process that should have taken place during their engagement.

Marriage does not happen once for all: active role in life-long project.  Another great challenge of marriage preparation is to help couples realize that marriage is not something that happens once for all. Their union is real and irrevocable, confirmed and consecrated by the sacrament of matrimony. Yet in joining their lives, the spouses assume an active and creative role in a lifelong project. 

Their gaze now has to be directed to the future that, with the help of God's grace, they are daily called to build. For this very reason, neither spouse can expect the other to be perfect. Each must set aside all illusions and accept the other as he or she actually is: an unfinished product, needing to grow, a work in progress.

A persistently critical attitude towards one's partner is a sign that marriage was not entered into as a project to be worked on together, with patience, understanding, tolerance and generosity. Slowly but surely, love will then give way to constant questioning and criticism, dwelling on each other's good and bad points, issuing ultimatums and engaging in competition and self-justification. The couple then prove incapable of helping one another to build a mature union.

This fact needs to be realistically presented to newly married couples from the outset, so that they can grasp that the wedding is "just the beginning". By saying "I do", they embark on a journey that requires them to overcome all obstacles standing in the way of their reaching the goal. The nuptial blessing that they receive is a grace and an incentive for this journey. They can only benefit from sitting down and talking to one another about how, concretely, they plan to achieve their goal.

Hope that others can change. Love does not despair of the future: the hope of one who knows that others can change, mature and radiate unexpected beauty and untold potential. This does not mean that everything will change in this life. It does involve realizing that, though things may not always turn out as we wish, God may well make crooked lines straight and draw some good from the evil we endure in this world.

Hope enables looking beyond problems. I recall an old saying: still water becomes stagnant and good for nothing. If, in the first years of marriage, a couple's experience of love grows stagnant, it loses the very excitement that should be its propelling force. Young love needs to keep dancing towards the future with immense hope.

Hope is the leaven that, in those first years of engagement and marriage, makes it possible to look beyond arguments, conflicts and problems and to see things in a broader perspective. It harnesses our uncertainties and concerns so that growth can take place. Hope also bids us live fully in the present, giving our all to the life of the family, for the best way to prepare a solid future is to live well in the present.

Put other’s happiness ahead of my own. This process occurs in various stages that call for generosity and sacrifice. The first powerful feelings of attraction give way to the realization that the other is now a part of my life. The pleasure of belonging to one another leads to seeing life as a common project, putting the other's happiness ahead of my own, and realizing with joy that this marriage enriches society.

Negotiate out of mutual love. As love matures, it also learns to "negotiate". Far from anything selfish or calculating, such negotiation is an exercise of mutual love, an interplay of give and take, for the good of the family. At each new stage of married life, there is a need to sit down and renegotiate agreements, so that there will be no winners and losers, but rather two winners. In the home, decisions cannot be made unilaterally, since each spouse shares responsibility for the family; yet each home is unique and each marriage will find an arrangement that works best.

Avoid unduly high expectations. Among the causes of broken marriages are unduly high expectations about conjugal life. Once it becomes apparent that the reality is more limited and challenging than one imagined, the solution is not to think quickly and irresponsibly about separation, but to come to the sober realization that married life is a process of growth, in which each spouse is God's means of helping the other to mature.

Change, improvement, the flowering of the good qualities present in each person — all these are possible. Each marriage is a kind of "salvation history", which from fragile beginnings — thanks to God's gift and a creative and generous response on our part — grows over time into something precious and enduring. Might we say that the greatest mission of two people in love is to help one another become, respectively, more a man and more a woman?

Help the other shape own identity. Fostering growth meanshelping a person to shape his or her own identity. Love is thus a kind of craftsmanship. When we read in the Bible about the creation of man and woman, we see God first forming Adam (cf. Gen 2:7); he realizes that something essential is lacking and so he forms Eve and then hears the man exclaim in amazement, "Yes, this one is just right for me!"

We can almost hear the amazing dialogue that must have taken place when the man and the woman first encountered one another. In the life of married couples, even at difficult moments, one person can always surprise the other, and new doors can open for their relationship, as if they were meeting for the first time. At every new stage, they can keep "forming" one another.

Love makes each wait for the other with the patience of a craftsman, a patience which comes from God.

Be generous in giving life: children as gifts. Encourage newly married couples to be generous in bestowing life. "In accord with the personal and fully human character of conjugal love, family planning fittingly takes place as the result a consensual dialogue between the spouses, respect for times and consideration of the dignity of the partner.
Counter a mentality that is often hostile to life... 

Decisions involving responsible parenthood presupposes the formation of conscience, which is 'the most secret core and sanctuary of a person. There each one is alone with God, whose voice echoes in the depths of the heart' (Gaudium et Spes, 16). The more the couple tries to listen in conscience to God and his commandments (cf. Rom 2:15), and is accompanied spiritually, the more their decision will be profoundly free of subjective caprice and accommodation to prevailing social mores".

"[The couple] will make decisions by common counsel and effort. Let them thoughtfully take into account both their own welfare and that of their children, those already born and those which the future may bring. For this accounting they need to reckon with both the material and the spiritual conditions of the times as well as of their state in life.

Finally, they should consult the interests of the family group, of temporal society and of the Church herself. The parents themselves and no one else should ultimately make this judgment in the sight of God". Moreover, "the use of methods based on the 'laws of nature and the incidence of fertility' (Humanae Vitae, 11) are to be promoted, since 'these methods respect the bodies of the spouses, encourage tenderness between them and favor the education of an authentic freedom' (Catechism of the Catholic Church, 2370).

Greater emphasis needs to be placed on the fact that children are a wonderful gift from God and a joy for parents and the Church. Through them, the Lord renews the world".

Some practical suggestions: planning free time together, moments of recreation with the children, different ways of celebrating important events, shared opportunities for spiritual growth.

Develop a routine that bonds. Encourage young married couples to develop a routine that gives a healthy sense of closeness and stability through shared daily rituals. These could include a morning kiss, an evening blessing, waiting at the door to welcome each other home, taking trips together and sharing household chores. 

Yet it also helps to break the routine with a party, and to enjoy family celebrations of anniversaries and special events. We need these moments of cherishing God's gifts and renewing our zest for life. As long as we can celebrate, we are able to rekindle our love, to free it from monotony and to color our daily routine with hope.

Grow in faith. Encourage families to grow in faith. This means encouraging frequent confession, spiritual direction and occasional retreats. It also means encouraging family prayer during the week, since "the family that prays together stays together".